experts agree: the #1 way to not be pregnant
anymore is to give birth to your baby. (there are other ways, but
they're pretty much terrible and tragic, so i suggest you stick to
giving birth). the tricky part of this "delivery" method is that is it
hard & you never know what you're going to get. it is like a very
painful box of chocolates. except some of the candies in the box might
not be chocolate at all, but cleverly disguised turds. trust me, you do
not want to eat a turd when you think you're going to get candy.
BUT, if you know going into it that you might end up eating a piece of
poop and you work hard to mentally prepare yourself for that fact, it's
possible to still be pleased with your experience even if you get the
wrong kind of chocolate.
i know, because i ate the turd-chocolate and i
feel pretty great about it. at 41 weeks - after being in non-labor labor for so long - my midwife moved up my induction date (i think she was disappointed, too, that i was still pregnant). in fact, i was so NOT in labor that michael & i bought a car on the night before our inducement (is that a word?). i even made lemon bars!
 |
| my last preggo picture |
 |
| our new baby! |
friday, september 28th 2012 dawned clear & crisp. michael & i drove our new baby (the car) to the hospital so we could me our new baby (the human). we checked in, i put on a comically large gown (seriously, don't they make child-size ones i could've used?), and the nurse got me set up with an iv. the process of getting the iv was one of the most traumatizing of the day - 3 tries! 3!
for a few hours, it was kinda like being at home. contractions that are fairly strong, but nothing terrible. michael read a book for school. i watched "the chew" and had cups of soup broth. then Things Changed. my midwife checked me and, since i had only dilated to 2cm, she broke my water. it was weird and messy. and it kept getting messier. i felt bad about getting water all over the place, so i stood in the shower to labor in a "clean way".
michael called the nurse after a while, because i was really having trouble with the lack of breathing time i was getting. she suggested i move around and this was the first time i thought: "things are getting real - ima need an epidural soon." but when my midwife came to check me, i'd gone to 7cm. i said, "that's almost the end of dilating, right?! there's only 3 more cm to go; i can do that!" and that's how i missed my first chance for drugs. my midwife had to go see some patients, so she said to call her when i felt like i needed to push. i'm pretty sure she didn't even make it back to her office before i felt like i needed to push. i had gotten to 10cm so fast i said, "it's time for pushing?! that's really almost the end of everything! i can do that."
except it wasn't the end. honestly, i thought
i'd push like 5 times & then he'd be here. i was way off. if i
recall, pushing took about 4 hours. it was brutal. at the time, i felt
like i was handling things okay, but michael has informed me that i was
"out of control". i think he's exaggerating. (although the nurse did
give me some fentanyl & oxygen to help me relax between
contractions, so maybe i was freaking out. but only for some of the
time.) in the end my midwife called a Dr, whom i refer to as Dr. Hair,
to come see if they could do a vacuum extraction. he poked around &
said it should be okay. michael polled the room for opinions (i would
have agreed to almost anything they suggested at that point) before
giving the okay. and then, all of the sudden, Dr Hair was like "push"
and i was like "I AM!" and everyone was all "The baby is born!!"
even though labor hurt and i was
exhausted (and apparently, "out of control") i thought it was awesome.
it was pretty much the coolest thing i've ever done, even if parts of it
were miserable. i mean, i could have done with less pushing and maybe
less shouting, but i never cursed or shouted at anyone. my midwife even
said i was one of the most polite laboring women she'd ever had. i
minded my manners, yall.
and now, some pictures:
 |
| the first days |
 |
| michael likes him, i think |
 |
| the many faces of fenner t. |