ew. seriously, gross

what the hell's going on in there?  here is a direct quote from the baby growth website:  "have you ever seen a mango dipped in cheese?" first - ew. second - EW. third - no! who the hell has ever seen a mango dipped in cheese? why would that even be a thing to look at?!  this "greasy white substance" (again, thanks for the sweet imagery baby website) is there so baby doesn't get all wrinkled from the amniotic fluid. and so continues the theme of weird grossness that is fetal animal development. my prehistoric swamp monkey is now covered in cheese-like varnish (you don't even want to know what's it comprised of).  in other, less disconcerting news, it's all pretty much proportional & things are overall finished springing up. from here on out, it's just about getting fatter and fatter.


nomnomnom! i thought a lot about egg salad sandwiches this week, however i did not eat one. overall the craving front has been pretty low. although, i did eat a small ice cream sundae with lunch the other day (complete with whipped cream) and i could eat one of those every day. not that that means anything, i could eat one every day even if i wasn't pregnant.


gross! while chicken is back in my good graces, scrambled eggs are not. 


let's keep this up: after about 2 weeks of sending mental wavelengths to the baby so it would move, i thought i felt something the other day. i felt something like a bubble popping low in my stomach and i didn't even really notice until about a minute later. since i didn't feel anything else, i thought i imagined it. but today, while reclining in the truck, eating frozen yogurt, and waiting for michael to come out of lowes with a brand new bucket (with a lid!) i felt a bunch of feelings in my belly. it feels like if someone flicked you with their finger, but through a really thick blanket. now we just wait until michael can feel it too!


let's cut this out: i'm really, really unhappy about my pants situation. i do not want to sit down in jeans. i also do not want to buy maternity pants of any kind. this leaves leggings as my only choice of cool-weather lower body covering. and I Am Not Happy


this is fun: in anticipation of our ultrasound in a week, michael & i looked into old wives tales to see our "odds" of having a boy or a girl. basically, the results were inconclusive.  a website quiz with various questions about my fingernails & cravings says it's 50-50 (which i knew before i spent 7 minutes on your dumb quiz!). The side you like to sleep on is an indicator. I like NO SIDES (see below), so that's not helpful. Salty vs. sweet cravings as an indicator - i like chips AND ice cream equally. Chinese calendar says boy.  Heartbeat rate says girl. Not much morning sickness says boy. Getting zits says girl. i have not peed into any drano, nor did we do the string test (maybe later this week). so, all in all, we're having a previously un-heard of third option. i'm hoping it's Time Lord.


this is hard: sleeping has become a real bitch. if you know me at all (and i'm assuming you do if you're reading this) then you are well aware that i am Amazing at sleeping. if there was a sleeping event at the olympics, i'm sure i'd at least qualify to represent the usa. however, in the past week i have woken up every night multiple times between 2 and 6 am. i just cannot get comfortable. all i want to do is sleep on my back (which i never, ever did before - it always felt like i was going into surgery), which is now part of my pregnancy no-no list. any tips, formerly pregnant ladies?




In Non Fetus Related News:
micheal & i had a relaxing weekend of doing pretty much nothing. the last month-plus has been jam-packed with visitors (who we loved every second of seeing!), so even though we had homework & other things to do it was great to do them in solitude. michael also got some more boxes for our hive. he should be able to start collecting some honey and, thanks to ashley, our russian bee hive has a sweet new name - the KGBeeee

what the hell's going on in there? supposibly, it should be big enough for me to feel it going cirque de soleil inside me, but so far there's nothing. it can yawn & hiccup and has it's own fingerprints forming. i will have to get it teeny baby gloves so it can commit crimes without leaving print evidence behind. it's skin is still thin enough to see all the blood vessels, which is gross. and - as EVERYONE keeps mentioning - it's got junk big enough to perceive with a camera. if she's a chickadee, her uterus & fallopian tubes are in place. if he's a fenner, his little pickle is out & about. we'll get back to you about the no-no bits information asap.

nom nom nom:  so, first you take some 100% juice. then you get some bubbly seltzer water (lemon lime flavor is good). you put 3/4 seltzer to 1/4 juice in a glass full of ice. top it off with a straw. it's called "summer drink" and it's a pretty good substitute for a warm-weather cocktail.


gross: actually, here's a celebration - I ate crock pot shredded chicken. twice! it was delicious and i did not barf! huzzah!


let's keep this up: everything is still feeling pretty good overall. prenatal yoga is my very best friend. and, please dear weather gods, keep the 70s temperature days coming. i'm desperate to not put pants back on.


let's cut this out: i do not enjoy the random lower back pains, nor the restless sleep cycle, nor the too-tight pants, nor the weirdo mood swings that visited this week. michael says "i think you might be overreacting." i say "probably! {sob}"

this is fun: it's almost time to find out if it's a lady or a man


this is hard: people keep getting all up in my business about if it's a lady or a man. the next person who asks *doesn't get to know*! (hmmm, am i overreacting? probably! {sob})

this is the difference the hand under the belly makes. i look not as big in the above picture. however, it's just going to get bigger and sometimes i'm scur-ed.

p.s. can you guys tell me when this weekly post bull-honkey gets boring? i know i'm more interesting than this, but i also know everyone loves a good picture of huge boobs. it's hard to know what direction to go...

blerg. nerds.

super not in the mood to post, but babies force you to do things you don't want to right? this is mostly how i feel:
what the hell's going on in there? he/she is gaining some baby fat (and, it seems, so am i). it's brain is working & telling the heart to beat. also, its soft cartilage is converting into hard bone. our baby is a superhero.

nom nom nom: whatever. food is good.

gr-oss: scrambled eggs are still out.

let's keep this up: i'm excited. mostly. i like rubbing my belly.

let's cut this out: this re-lapse into 1st trimester grumps. i'm super grumps.

i'm tired & done with this post now.

p.s. mike & ana came to visit last weekend. we went to garden of the gods & that was nice.

i've really let myself go

what the hell's going on in there? nothing too different from last week, except it can hear ya'll! i'm going to start practicing my accents now, so it'll be ready to speak in an accent when it's older. i suggest everyone around me do the same. hear that, little baby?! of course you do! you've got bones in your ears now!

nom!nom!nom! last saturday night, michael took me to 3 different restaurants before i was satisfied to eat there. we were even sitting, with menus & water, at one of them before we left. he's such a good guy. i lurve him.

gross! i made a gluten-free cake for easter sunday (michael's sister is gluten-free for health reasons & it's made her body slammin'!) anyway, i tasted it and it was disgusting! it tasted like chemicals or metallic or, as i described it, "it tastes like a robot's ass." michael says "how do you know what a robot's ass tastes like?" and "it tastes okay to me." everyone ate it and liked it, so i guess it's just me.

let's keep this up: people thinking i'm pregnant and not fat.

let's cut this out: people thinking i'm fat and not pregnant

this is fun: everything. everything is pretty great.

this is hard: nothing. see previous statement


hugs & kisses from our little cooley-bug,

p.s. don't let the cuteness fool you. cooley is a right arsehole these days, escaping whenever he can to roam free & eat cat poop. he's running a complete shit-show around here.

your mom

seriously, adding "your mom" to anything is hysterical (your mom is a golf tournament. your mom needs an oil change. your mom eats ham.)

anyway. i didn't update last week(s) because my sister & mom came to town. i was having much too much of a good time to blog. also, cooley dog learned to jump the fence (the little f-er did it TWICE), so we spent a weekend creating a prison fence in the backyard. anyway, here's a two-fer.

what the hell's going on in there? baby can squint, frown, grimace (why is it so unhappy?) and pee. oh, yea - it's peeing all up in there. it's also creating tar-poop and is covered in hair. it sounds like a prehistoric swamp monkey. great.

nom.nom.nom: with family in town, i gave myself a pass to eat basically anything. steak! raggedy robins! ice cream cake! but i'd shank someone for some feta cheese and wine. i WANT.

gr-oss! rotisserie chickens. oh my god, disgusting.

let's keep this up: naps. interneting. watching the chew. oh spring break, can't we be together always?

let's cut this out: headaches. seriously. go the fuck away.

this is fun: shopping! mom bought me a bunch of shirts for this bad boy (of course, i refer to the bump) It. Was. Awesome. thanks mom!

this is hard: why are my boobs so big!?! stop it! stop growing!

what the hell's going on in there? baby can wiggle fingers & toes and is moving around a lot (not that i can feel it yet). also, it's practicing "breathing" with amniotic fluid. so it's a prehistoric, swamp monkey-fish. also, "beefsteak tomato" made me want to call it "Beefcake" all week.

nom.nom.nom: last night i begged michael for a 50 piece nugget, 2 large fries, and an orange fanta. instead, i ate two microwaved nuggets. also one day i denied myself a donut & frozen yogurt, which ended with me begging michael to go find me tirimisu. he rode his bike & brought back chocolate cake. i lurve him.

gr-oss! nothing! get everything in my mouth!

let's keep this up: prenatal yoga. where has it been all my life? it's not even hard! we sit and chit-chat about stuff. then we breath & make noises. then we stretch and there's lots of talk about "imagine a flower opening". then we lay down and practically take a nap! this is my kind of exercise. also, our instructor is german and has a rad accent. i love me some accents.

let's cut this out: my belly is huge this week. gross. and my face looks dumb. how does a camera phone take a better photo than a digital camera?

this is fun: i can do stuff again. i'm still thrilled about it.

this is hard: trying to restrain myself from eating everything i see. seriously, after school i ate a baggie of popcorn, 2 peeps, and 1/2 a cupcake. in the span of 20 minutes. i need more self-control.