your mom

seriously, adding "your mom" to anything is hysterical (your mom is a golf tournament. your mom needs an oil change. your mom eats ham.)

anyway. i didn't update last week(s) because my sister & mom came to town. i was having much too much of a good time to blog. also, cooley dog learned to jump the fence (the little f-er did it TWICE), so we spent a weekend creating a prison fence in the backyard. anyway, here's a two-fer.

what the hell's going on in there? baby can squint, frown, grimace (why is it so unhappy?) and pee. oh, yea - it's peeing all up in there. it's also creating tar-poop and is covered in hair. it sounds like a prehistoric swamp monkey. great.

nom.nom.nom: with family in town, i gave myself a pass to eat basically anything. steak! raggedy robins! ice cream cake! but i'd shank someone for some feta cheese and wine. i WANT.

gr-oss! rotisserie chickens. oh my god, disgusting.

let's keep this up: naps. interneting. watching the chew. oh spring break, can't we be together always?

let's cut this out: headaches. seriously. go the fuck away.

this is fun: shopping! mom bought me a bunch of shirts for this bad boy (of course, i refer to the bump) It. Was. Awesome. thanks mom!

this is hard: why are my boobs so big!?! stop it! stop growing!

what the hell's going on in there? baby can wiggle fingers & toes and is moving around a lot (not that i can feel it yet). also, it's practicing "breathing" with amniotic fluid. so it's a prehistoric, swamp monkey-fish. also, "beefsteak tomato" made me want to call it "Beefcake" all week.

nom.nom.nom: last night i begged michael for a 50 piece nugget, 2 large fries, and an orange fanta. instead, i ate two microwaved nuggets. also one day i denied myself a donut & frozen yogurt, which ended with me begging michael to go find me tirimisu. he rode his bike & brought back chocolate cake. i lurve him.

gr-oss! nothing! get everything in my mouth!

let's keep this up: prenatal yoga. where has it been all my life? it's not even hard! we sit and chit-chat about stuff. then we breath & make noises. then we stretch and there's lots of talk about "imagine a flower opening". then we lay down and practically take a nap! this is my kind of exercise. also, our instructor is german and has a rad accent. i love me some accents.

let's cut this out: my belly is huge this week. gross. and my face looks dumb. how does a camera phone take a better photo than a digital camera?

this is fun: i can do stuff again. i'm still thrilled about it.

this is hard: trying to restrain myself from eating everything i see. seriously, after school i ate a baggie of popcorn, 2 peeps, and 1/2 a cupcake. in the span of 20 minutes. i need more self-control.

"mac dad" just doesn't sound right

okay, can we talk about these awful pictures michael takes? i swear i was standing up straight and my chest region looks like a hunchback (hunch-front?). he really needs to up his game. and i really need to stop taking these on grungy sunday afternoons.

what's going on in there: little bit's got fingerprints, so it better not break any uterus-laws. its skin is see-through, so that's freaky, and its intestines are moving back inside its body, so that's freaky too (did you know that fetuses grow their intestines on the outside first? aliens i tell you!) finally, its getting its bones (BONES!)

nom!nom!nom!: basically, way more things are tasty. i'm back to eating dinner leftovers at lunch (hallelujah!) and even wrote down several vegetables that i'd be willing to put in my mouth if we bought them at the grocery store.

gross: well, these vegetables are not on the grocery list - broccoli & zucchini - but i don't think i can blame that on a fetus.

let's keep this up: i can be awake! i can cook dinners (that are real and not from the freezer!) i can go longer periods in between snacking without my stomach starting a coup d'état!

this is fun: *nerd alert* i am lurving my new research topic! i have read 1 book, scoured websites for hours, and am building a checklist. there is So Much Information. i'm thrilled!

this is hard: michael says if i say one more thing about how "fat" i'm getting, he's sending me back to therapy. i say, isn't it cheaper for you to just keep telling me i'm not fat? also, getting dressed is not as much fun, but yay for krissy & mom visiting - they will help me find new clothes!

in other news....

i have long called my father "daddy". many a girl does and michael has always said how much he dislikes it. i thought he was opposed to a grown women calling her dad "daddy", because it sounds...i don't know what it sounds like to him? anyway, while making stovetop grilled cheese sandwiches, i was relaying how my daddy made the BEST grilled cheeses when we were kids. his technique was superior. and then micheal drops this bomb:

"can the baby not call me 'daddy'?"

whaaa?! why?!?! why must this man i married take all the joy out of life? after i protested (and listed off the bajillion other irrational things he doesn't like, such as using the word "baby" in reference to non-infants or putting up twinkle lights at christmas), he also vetoed 'Papa'. what say you internet? did i marry an insane man?


finally, i shared our pick for a boys name with some girls at work. if you don't know, we've decided on fenner if its a boy (and really, the name fenner is more like wands in harry potter - it chose us). they were all like "oh, that's cute! .... can you spell it for us?" i replied "f-e-n-n-e-r. it's a family name. well, the family name of some friends of ours, but we're bringing it over."
honestly, we don't give a crap who likes the name we picked, but i thought it was a funny thing for them to say.

i don't have a good title. i'm tired.

what the hell's going on in there? squirt has nearly every vital system/organ/structure formed. it's got either its coslopus or peeper, even though it's about 2 months before we can check 'em out (that makes us sound totally creepy). its eyes have moved from the side of its head to the front, like one of those weird fish, and now looks like a humanoid thing. also, i can poke myself and make it flip/squirm/roll around. haha baby! take that!

nom nom nom!: carbs & cheese (mac & cheese, grilled cheese, quesadillas, goldfish crackers, nacho chips, etc) oh, and soft serve ice cream - i would push someone into a bush for some soft serve ice cream

gr-oss!: eating too much, most veggies, and (apparently) mexican food :(

let's keep this up: naps. i love me some naps.

let's cut this out: pukies. enough said

this is fun: having an excuse to stay home and sleep on the weekend instead of partying it up

this is hard: um, no one told me i'd chunk out so quickly. blerg.

good for us! michael is being super nice, even when i'm acting completely ridiculous (i.e. "this town is stupid! why don't they have burgers i want to eat!")

(blech, this post was weird with its fonts. but i'm tired so, phooey)

lucky pirate

the 2nd graders each get a 5th grade buddy to encourage during their state TCAP tests. we create posters, write letters, & make little candy encouragement thingies for them. well, here is the MOST encouraging letter of all time:

dear [5th grade friend],
you will do good on your test! you're a good lucker! arrrr, you are a lucky pirate! you are the smartest fifth grader ever. you will beat the TCAP. you will go bananas when you get it right!
love, [2nd grade friend]

now if you don't feel encouraged by that, i fear for your sad little soul.

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speaking of luck, i was a lucky pirate today. on the way home from work, i was nearly man-slaughtered on the freeway. but i am a vigilant driver, so i noticed when the whacked out hoe in the next lane started to drift into my car and i was able to slow down. then i honked my horn for a long time and gave her a disappointed head shake as i drove past.


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speaking of disappointed head shakes, i was giving a secret one to michael when he mentioned going to a "dead man" festival this weekend. i was like, a frozen dead guy? what? why? which is the precise reaction my teammates had when i told them about it today. their curiosity wouldn't be sated until we looked up the details.

well, let me tell you. my secret head shake is now a head nod of approval. it sounds ridiculously fun, in a weird weird way. i can have my picture taken with a cryogenicly frozen dude. please visit the wiki en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_Dead_Guy_Days or the website frozendeadguydays.org (a .org?! that's how you know it's serious).


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speaking of serious. my belly is out of control. please tell me this is because i'm short and the baby has nowhere else to go and NOT because i had a loose-goose wiggle belly before.

i am sucking it IN

michael says "look at those hoo-has" i say "what the hell is happening down there?"

5 months

so, 5 months. my longest stretch of lazy-ass-ery? perhaps. am i sorry? mostly. and probably no one will ever read this because my betrayal is too complete. sorry internet. i am 100% lame (whereas before i was hovering between 80-90%). if it's any consolation, absolutely nothing interesting has happened in the past 5 months. well, i guess that's not entirely true. i did get knocked up. but before that, nothing interesting. i promise.

here's some picture fun:

we celebrated halloween with J&C (who thankfully moved to boulder. they said it was because C got into "Grad School" but i'm pretty sure it was because they couldn't stand to be apart from us)



we drove to AZ/CA for the holidays. this collage is literally all of the worthy photos we took. i told you.




and then, you know, we got knocked up. so there's that.

after "week 5" i went to the dr (she's really a midwife) and concluded that we didn't know what week i really was. so i held off until i got another ultrasound to confirm. in the meantime, i got tired/nauseous/bloated-fat/lazy (well, maybe i was always lazy) and stopped taking pictures. anyway, i'm 9 weeks now and started to feel good (which scares the beejeezus out of me - why do i feel good?!) so i hope to start doing pictures again.

in the meantime, here's a photo from the "how-old-is-this-thing" ultrasound. i added the commentary, because this little Squirt has me craving subway sandwiches like crazy but they are not allowed!

doesn't it look like a little sea turtle? thus the "squirt", like from Finding Nemo.